Through the Chaos

As a parent, you learn time and again that logic and reason are rarely the solution to a problem; this can be a bit of a learning curve, to be sure. Diving into the chaos of working through an already stressful situation in a grocery store that makes you feel like a lesser parent while having a hysterically crying child seemingly heartbroken from not being allowed to devour an entire bag of Skittles was never a life plan of mine. But sometimes, that is exactly what we come up against. Tiptoeing the delicate line of creating meaningful moments with your offspring and teaching them is a doozy; I say offspring because in times like the one aforementioned, the 2-foot Tasmanian devil gnawing at your legs hardly resembles your perfect baby.

I personally was a bit of a problem child, in chronological order: being a fussy baby, to a tantrum-prone toddler and child, followed up by a rebellious teenager seemingly deaf to any other than the voice in my own head. These personality “quirks” could not have been easy to adjust to for those in the vicinity, and believe me, if you don’t have children and think that’ll never happen between me and my kids… please send me a picture of you before children and one two years in. The life lesson that I wish to convey is that these moments of conflict and stress are natural and necessary, even no matter how much they make us want to pull our hair out at the time. The most important part, and what many, including myself, forget in the heat of these situations, is to make sure that the fun of the day is not ruined due to the 15 minutes of hell. It is crucial that when our children are in these low points, we support them in healthily moving through the sadness and picking themselves back up, showing them that happiness is an option and that you support them in choosing it even through the conflicts.

Find the activities, events, or miscellaneous things you can utilize to create happy memories with your child. Growing up, our family was viewed outwardly as perfect in many fashions due to the fact that we were always going to the lake or park, laughing, playing, and enjoying each other. The part no one else saw, however, was the almost daily screaming matches that took place the second we woke up or walked back through the doors. The duality of these interactions could be seen as two-faced, and for many years, I even saw it as such. But looking back, I see that just as many joy-filled moments took place in our home as near MMA matches; they just happened so close together that it was easy to let the moments of dissension overpower the moments of bliss.

Our children deserve the opportunity to fall apart and feel sadness. And they also deserve the parenting and support to be there for them where they are, even when where they are scares the living shit out of us. I hope you choose to enjoy your children through the chaos. I know we all fail at times and are not perfect. The reason it can be so frustrating is that you see yourself in them, which tells you a lot about yourself. So make sure to have grace and forgiveness for both them… and you.